THE MANTLE OF REGRET (Chapter 23)

Excerpt from my newly published book.
HOLY LOVE: A MEMOIR OF SORROW TO GLORY.
My chronic dissatisfaction with aspects of my life kept me searching. The rubbing angst and tightening sorrows kept me on the path that would lead me into His arms and His pasture.
I sit here now, on the precipice of a new understanding of and freedom from my sorrows. God used the combination of my persevering and overly self-disciplined temperament and seasoned it with my aching envy and jealousies—and even my regrets–to create in me a dogged determination to find an answer. I wasn’t aware that I was really seeking freedom from this suffering, but that was the ultimate outcome.
It’s a lot like a grain of sand in an oyster. It’s continued presence inside the body of the oyster over time gives way to a pearl. The day I began to round the bend in this journey of regrets, I saw in the distance the pasture that He was leading me toward. I began to have enough clarity so I could see a purpose in the suffering. Finding a purpose in the suffering over regret is more than finding a reason for it.
A reason for the suffering explains why it haunts throughout one’s life, while finding a purpose in the suffering gives it meaning and reveals a direction in life’s journey. Most importantly, it offers healing in the process. The suffering begins to take its rightful position beneath your feet. This is not an immediate process, but the process begins once you accept Christ into your life.